Alvaro Romero... The agony of living

A journey trough life

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I Love You!... Does it mean anything?

I'll start by saying NO! now let me elaborate.

 

Much had been said about the different kinds of love : Storge, Fileo, Eros and the ultimate AGAPE. So when someone tells you "Ï Love You" most likely it would be talking about one of them. The question is, which one would the person be meaning? Most likely none.

 

 

The word love has become of such simple use that any meaning it used to have lays now on its definition. so the meaning of love belongs to a dictionary and not to real life anymore. I woman tells me "I Love You"and to me doesn't have more meaning that when the bartender asks me if I want another drink and I say "I would love it" You see where I'm going? we say I love you when dropping the kids at the school bus, and we say I love your shoes or I love your hair.And we never question if that mean anything because we know it doesn't,

 

when a man and a woman start getting acquainted or flirting or going out, there is always the stigma of when to say "I love you" for the first time because it is tabu. You don't want the other person to think that you have fallen in love and  in doing so you miss the opportunity to establish a connection. If someone tells you I love you, it doesn't mean he or she is in love, it just means the it wants to see you again. it means that wants you to know that you both are flirting and that it's been a lot of fun. it means that this time he or she one something more that to fuck each other but that maybe you can go to a movie too or walk by the zoo. it means that maybe you can stop seen each other at the bar and start doing fun things together... it means all that. Doesn't mean the he or she cannot live without you or the she or he wants to marry you.

 

As you can see, the words "I Love You"mean very little. So if a woman tells me I love you to me is not different than if she says "Hi"or "Goodnight", I don't take it personal and i recognize that she is just opening the door for me so we can have fun together.

 

To me, the secret of knowing is somebody is telling me "I Love You"is LISTENING WHEN SHE IS NOT TALKING, This is an art that take time and experience to develop. It takes to read all the signs, the body language to fell the sentiment of the situation, So let's say a girl sends me a link of her favorite son. The fact of sending the song or the lirics of the song don't mean anything, maybe I really didn't liked the song, but the fact that she thought of sharing something personal with me, the time she spent looking for that song tells me that she is felling love for me.

I wrote a poem for a girl and she text me "OMG! You almost make me fall in love with you" the part that hold any meaning was "omg!" the rest was meaningless.Love can't be said it can only be expressed and the other person has to be able to feel it without any words in beetwen. So if you want the other person to know that you lover her or him, do things that express you love, don't sayit. In the same token, if you want if the other person loves you, don ask because you my get an answer that you might not like, inted read all the signs, all the things that she or he won't say but is expressing to you trough the thing she does.

 

 When I say that to find out if the other person is feeling love "listening when she or he is not talking" I think of the things the fox told the little prince... but specially this one:

 

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

 

Remember this words and you will learn how to hear love and to say it without any words... now go and say "I Love You"as many times as you please  without any wories.

Alexandria

                                           Alexandria

  When  looking at you
                        On foggy mornings or gloomy nights
                             At the distance from the sea
                                Your two mosque towers...
                                    Call out to me.
 
               When you come like the wind
                     Blowing gentle the sails of my ship,
                         When you talk and when you walk,
                             I am a sailor who calls you home.
 
               When your aroma and your voices
               a multitude of multitudes singing
               Atop a minaret praying salat
               Wrapped in the blanket of our own sharia

                                         ...I wish I could walk your streets
                                                                                    ... Alexandria.

First date... Don't put your foot in your mouth!

One of the most difficult tings about a first is establishing a conversation that sparks the interest for both parties. Most of the time when you go in a first date your instinct tells you to talk about something that "you think is going to make you look interesting", but most of the time it won't... chances are it'll make you look. cocky  annoying, boring or stupid. Occasionally the other person can fake interest but don't get fooled by her attention to whatever you are talking about, she will be locking at you but thinking how to get the hell out.

 

I'll say that the best way to go is talking about something that it may be interesting for both of you. For instance you can make a comment about the place or venue where you decided to meet,  the food,  or music. A comment like that can spark an answer and from there you just have to pull the conversation. Eventuality you will say something about your personal life because that is something that is inevitable. Si it is alright to to say something about you're own persona because after all you are there to get to know each other. So, if you say "there is a person at work that... etc" chances are she or he is going to ask "what do you do? ". It is correct to say what the company you work for does or what kind of professional work you do,  but try not to get to deep into that, avoid making your conversation a job interview. You can say " I am a lawyer or I work for GM or I am in construction and that's it. Don't elaborate, keep it short and simple, give her or him a taste of  that part of your but live the rest for a better occasion. Eventually, over time and contact with each other you are going to know those details.

There is a big reward in getting out of your comfort zone. It is advisable that both get out of the comfort zone! If you do that you'll be able to show the real you,  without pretensions and perceive the other person the same way. It is natural to humans to pretend something they are not or try to make look themselves bigger than they really are. So,  a neutral place will give honesty to your date,  and honesty is a good place to start.

We all have skeletons in the closet, so, live them there. don't bring to conversation anything you don feel comfortable elaborating about. Keeping things for yourself doesn't make you a liar, eventually everything will come out but at the appropriate time. Now, kissing or having sex on first date is a matter of perception, but in suggesting it eighty percent of the time you will end up with your foot inside of your mouth, and ninety percent of the time there is not cumming out of that situation, Chances are it won be a second date.

 

             So, I followed all those rules when I went out on a date couple weeks ago.  I met a person I really like and found interesting and attractive. We went out for dinner and basically it was an introductory conversation since neither one of us knew anything of the other. Like in most first dates you can cover only so much of the field but that's is fine since it leaves you hungry for more.

After coming back home I sent her a brief text to establish the ground for a second date. Next day she called me... great conversation. Next day she didn't call me but we exchange couple text messages... all good. Next day a decided to call her. She didn't answer but sent me a text saying that it was in a class at school and she call me right after her class on her way home.

 

It was then that it clicked in my head that she works, goes to school and has a family while me on the other hand work a full time work but other than that I am a free man. Don't take me wrong, I do a lot of things like computer programming, oil painting and writing and blogging, but I decide how organize my time. She on the other hand has to stick to a schedule that it is decided by others.

So, when she call back, after a long conversation before saying goodnight I say "Listen! I understand you are very busy and I don't want to call you when you have things to do... would it be better if you call me when you have time?" She said "yes"... I knew, the moment I put the phone down that I have put my foot in my mouth. I realized that what I wanted to say came out completely wrong and there was a need o a major fixing.

Next day she didn't call and when I sent her a text her reply was something like "ok". The they after I text her asking her if she could call me and her answer was "No, is ok" then I knew it was over. That somehow I managed to kill my chance  if any. Needless to say that she didn't call back.

 

   Should she had call me back I would have said:

    last night when we talked I said something that came out the wrong way. I didn't meant to say 'if you don't have time for dating it'll be another time'. What I meant to say was that I understand you don't have much time to spare and I can work around those corners as long as you really give the time you have available' I would have say "I am really interested in getting to know you but I don't want to be a nuisance by getting into you life like that' That all I wanted to do was sound supportive of whatever she was doing and that I was very glad we met... But I didn't have the chance since she never call.

 

So, be very careful. weigh every word you say, every gesture... because once you put your foot in your mouth there is not pulling it out.

 

l'll finish with a poem:

   It's been said

   that loves has ups and downs.

   Yesterday. I saw you with another one

         going up... I got it now!

Why I can't find anyone?

To Ryan

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship . . ."

 

... "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

 

                                 The Little Prince

                                               Antoine de Saint Exupéry

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the big problems about love is that you never seem to find it. There is a scene in the movie "Fatal Attraction" were Alex Forrest (Glen Close) Tells Dan Gallagher (Michael Douglas) "Why is that every interesting man is already married". That seems to be the problem that every single person faces when searching for love... they find the ideal person just to find out that she or he has a boyfriend or girlfriend, and they wonder 'why is she or he with that looser'. In reality it doesn't have to be a loser, but most of the time that's how the other person perceives it.

 

I think of my friend Ryan. He needs to understand that "All is fair in war and love", that being a good friend very rarely brings a relationship other than friendship. That in order to catch a fish you have to throw the lure first... girls they don't like good guys, but interesting ones... the only use they have for good guys is as friends. 


So, the first step is to make your persona more interesting.  Some people play sports but if sports is not your thing then you have to become a connoisseur of something. The second place in the popularity list is music, so playing an instrument is going to gain you some cookie points. No! Not the french horn or the timbales, maybe the guitar or the piano or even the sax. Next in the list would be to play the "Intellectual", a  the guy that reads and writes... any of those is ok, what is not ok is to look weak, to look like the guy that all the girls want to be friends with. Do not be their confident, they are going to use your shoulder to cry over other guys and since they are going to be very busy crying on your shoulder they'll never have the chance to look at you.

 

 

  The most common problem one faces when trying to approach someone we like is our inability to talk. We expect the other person to notice our interest and respond to our shy advances... but here is where we have a problem. We cannot expect the other person to respond to our advances because she (or he) are in the understanding that we are just friends, She has a boyfriend and maybe she even loves him. and she doesn't know what you want, or what are your intentions.

 

So, the road to succeed is very simple: make sure she knows what your intentions are., meaning that you like her and want to date her. Make sure you are the kind of person she would put her eyes on... If she likes the football players but all you play is the piano... is not going to happen. don't be her confident because first she is going to ask you if she should dump her boyfriend, and then if she should date your best friend, ignoring completely the fact that you are interested in her.

 

Many woman crave attention and will push you to say something you are not ready to say... Don't say "I Love You" until the relationship is mature, before that it's just going to ruin everything you have built... even if it is truth that you love her.

 

Finally, be ready to loose the fight. If she really only sees you as a friend, I am sure that the friendship is going to die when she realize that you want something more than to be friends... She won't look at you the same way anymore... Ever!. You are going to pretend to be friends for a while, but you should know that is over. If it comes to that, move on and find somebody else... she would be gone anyway..

 

The good news: I think you are the kind of guy she really wants and she struggles... you just have to show her the way and let things happen... just remeber that there is only one chance, don't waste it!

Searching for... Marriage or Good time? Part 2

What is good for me

    And here we are again, talking about what it will be to find the perfect match. Most of the time, we all know by experience, we can't get what we want. Either because we all look at the most popular person in our surroundings (call it school, work, neighborhood, building, church, etc.) or we have developed an idea of what we want based on the life or appearance  of celebrities or the books they have red and the movies they have watched. All that makes their perfect match just to perfect... not to say unreachable. To get that person you have to fight against all the alphas, and probably you have to be one in order to win.

What do I have to offer:

    So now, the question is what do I have to offer? What is my net worth. To use an analogy let's think of somebody that decides that it needs some new shoes. That is the first step, to realize that there is a need, named shoes.  Now that person has to stop and think, just any shoes? do I need shoes to go to work or to hike or to run? Do I need shoes to be in style? Do they have to be durable, do they need to be  a brand name?. Now that I decided what kind of shoes I want to by I have to think what can I afford? are the shoes I want in my price range. Because everything boils down to what we have to offer. If I go to the cashier and extend a 10 dollar bill for a 100 dollar pair of shoes, the cashier is going to give me the looks like "Hey! I need 90 dollars more! If I say "that is all I have!" he will snatch the shoes from my hands and send me home to get more money. Just because I don't have enough money exchange for that pair of shoes! Whether those shoes sit your feet, or go with your style is matter of another paragraph. right now we only want to know if you have enough to buy what you want.

   I have heard couple times something like "I will only marry for the money" or "I need a sugar daddy" One of  the people at work said that once and while looking at her I thought 'good luck" because there are several smoking hot young chicks out there willing to fight for that money, and she wasn't in any position to even think of it. so if you are a smoking hot guy or girl  trying to buy those shoes... It is ok, probably your goods are good enough to make the transaction...And hopefully you'll stay there for the rest of your life.

   Most of the time you won;t stay there for the rest of your life, you'll get dump. used and sometimes abused, and when that happen and you are ready to settle down and form a family of just have somebody that cares for you (remember that we are talking about you been a smoking hot person) the you know that it is time to turn around and lay your eyes on a beta... yes, the one you didn't give a damn before, the guy that was to busy building his future that never have time to go to those wild parties. Or that other person... you know who am I talking about! I doesn't have to be rich, it could, but what is important about that person is that it will provide you with a stable life, a life with love and consideration... then again, do you have what it takes to get that person?.

   Beta Looking for Alpha

   So you are the one looking to hook up with an Alpha! Well, if you are a woman things can go south very easily just because for males it is not about love but about reproducing and if you are a beta you are going to have a hell of a time keeping your man on the leash. On the other hand, if you are a beta male and you want an alpha female things are a little bit more in your favor. Woman are looking for love too, so if you are a good provider, offer a stable life or have money or are very successful doing something ( an artist, community activist, church pastor etc) and on top of that you love her, then chances are she will be with you forever, probably she will control your life but it doesn't matter because as an beta male that is exactly what you want.

   Going back to our analogy, if you want to buy a pretty item and you have the money... congratulations!, but if you want an item and you want more than you can afford... then all I can say is what Paul the apostle said and I Quote " We must go through much tribulation to enter the kingdom of heaven of God" Acts 14:22

 

   Next post will be Why I can't find anyone?

Searching for... Marriage or Good time?

The dilemma of choosing an Alpha or a Beta

So, who is who?

A note on the side: Everything I say here I will say it talking like a male (After all I am one), but all the things mentioned here apply the same to male and females.

   It has been discussed so many times what is the definition off an alpha male (or female for that matter) and everybody has something to say about them. They go from they are hot to "They are as holes and everything in between... It is right; they are everything they say about them and more. So to understand them we have to go back to the simplest definition, the one that puts everybody in the animal kingdom.

Way back in the day before the word machismo was invented
  Alpha males and alpha females both were in charge of reproducing and passing the best genes possible for the survival the gang, they were the glue that brought the gang together and took the lead when it was time to bring the food... They were happy with each other and understood their role in the gang. Now the gang has changed. We call it society and the only thing that remains is our sexual attraction to them... the alphas. Nobody escapes to their charms, we all feel attracted to an alpha , we alphas and betas all together.

Back to reality
  So, how do we know who is who? are all the buff guys alpha? Is the captain of the High school football team an alpha male? Are all the popular girls alpha too?
1.      Most alpha comes across as a strong personality.
2.      Tend to have flair of dominance and self confidence
3.      They belong to themselves
4.      They set the rules
Weather they are rich or not, smart or not, buff or not it is irrelevant because to be alpha male means to have a set of personality treats that make you exactly that. It doesn’t have to be super good looking and many times has nothing to do with smartness. It is true that there are some alpha males or females with a very high IQ. Many of them have plowed their way to riches using all the things pertaining to their alpha persona, but most of the time they are so immerse in the things that make an alpha that they have no time to train their brains (and that it will be discussed in another segment). 

So, if the captain of the high school football team is now driving the school bus, that doesn’t make him less attractive to his target audience, and cheerleader now waitressing at the local dinner or  stripping at the strip club,  still carries the same allure to their target audience because all their personality treats are still in them,  their target audience has change its truth, the roles of who they attract now have changed but they are still the same… call it charming or brusque as it applies to you.
           We all have surrender to their charms. We all have wished one of them would look at us, we all thing that she or he will be the perfect parent of our babies we all have been heartbroken by their rejection or by been ignored… Don’t worry, in the next post we are going to learn that in a perfect world and alpha and a beta make a perfect match!  

 

Immigration Reform chapter One

This is the first post about immigration reform that I’ll be posting in this blog. Feel free to add your comments and links.

Yesterday I was twitting about why nobody was talking about the immigration reform and today, fortunately someone ask that question to President Obama and he seemed to have some answers.

In the past legislation was passed to resolve this issue. In the early 2000’s a law was pass to grant permanent residence to those who have a family here in the Unites States (meaning husband, wife or parents) or whose employer was willing to sponsor them. At that time I saw many people getting married to a USA citizen just to obtain the residence and I saw many employers sponsoring employees that have no roots in this country, people who comes in the summer and lives in the winter. I saw many other that have been here for long time, people that own small business, houses, have kids that are citizens, speaks English, many times has higher education, but they could not claim residence under those circumstances because their employer wouldn’t sponsor them or they were afraid to open up and talk to their employers for fear of been denied and losing their job at the same time… That’s how now we have millions of illegal immigrants living in the shadow.

Most people tend to believe that all the illegal immigrants are from Mexico, it is true that they are the biggest group but there are illegal immigrants from all over the world… Many of the times, because they are educated or because the country where they come from, people don’t believe they are illegally here. 

Love in the Obama’s era

We are now in the 21 century, we elected the first black president and the idea that we never been to the moon doesn’t matter anymore… but the time for love is still to come. There’s never been a Martin Luther King for love. The first love revolution jumped from woman to men, white on white, Latino on Latino, black on black to gay and lesbian love.

    All dating sites ask you what is your ethnicity and what ethnicity you would like to date. It might make sense since the point of view of the database to narrow a search but at the same time the same time it destroys the basics of human nature, where we date someone based primary by the way they look, before we thought of races. At the beginning the questions was, are you black or white? Then they change it to what is your ethnicity? White/Caucasian, Black, Latino/Spanic , Asian, Middle Eastern, Other. Let’s say that you want to date an Italian man or woman, are you going to call it white? What kind of with are you going to get, an Italian or a Polish, what about Spanish, Cubans or Argentineans or Uruguayans. They are whites and Spanish. I’m not going to list all the possible combination but I hope you get the point. Just try to classify Jennifer Lopes or Ricky Martin, what are they, Spanish or white or Mediterranean?

    Where I want to get is to the fact that when is about love, we still see the world in white and black. That when I see and add and somebody say that they are looking for an Spanic male I don’t know if they are looking for somebody like Ricky Martin or Cheech Marin. Both options leave me out of the game, especially since I am a mix of both. If I say that I don’t like black woman, I would be killing my chances of dating Halle Berry… nay way, this discussion is pointless and dead since we came to the era of gay marriage before we could settle our differences about race and color. Gays and lesbians don’t care about all those issues because they don’t want to put stale food on their table; they leave it for us so we can petty about ourselves and our petty problems. They are bringing their issues to the Supreme Court while I’m still crying over a blond that doesn’t date Mexicans because doesn’t know how to bring it to her parents and their suburban thanksgiving celebration… well, that is just a figure of speech.

    What are we going to learn? This society is eventually going to legalize gay marriage before we learn how to love without any barriers or preconceive ideas. In a way we can say that gay marriage will come before is the right time, but there is never a right time… it will come to this world like a premature baby or maybe like a prodigy baby… and the other love, the one that doesn’t see color or races will come as soon as our generation dies and with us all the deformities that our grandparents put in this society and we never knew how to shake from our backs, tired of carrying the baggage of thousands of years of human evolution.

An Oil Malady…

It is just the year 2008 since we learn how to track time. Out of those 2008 years, 1000 where spent by humankind doing nothing, 800 discovering the world an ourselves and only the last 200 years transforming the world around us in the name of progress.

    The success of the industrial revolution was based on the increased discovery of oil reserves and new uses for its byproducts. Now we can see how almost every industry depends on oil one way or another. Cultures that practice traditional agriculture are submerged in poverty and traditional manufacturing has no place in this economy where is imperative to have a surplus production to be sold outside in the international market in order to generate the necessary revenue to grow and generate employment in a constant circle that makes oil demand bigger and bigger every day, specially as other countries struggle to grow and become part of this industrialized society.

The modern households had changed accordingly, going from burning wood to kerosene and then gas and electricity. Most of the things that we can afford as a society

Human transportation changed its own habits too, and seem like there is a worldwide fever to possess a car. Nobody wants to use the public transportation if they can avoid it. The mere idea of taking the bus or the train for a weekend trip with the family seems insulting and sometimes even a mile walk to the store seems obscene and unbearable.

At the time I started writing this post the whole country was watching in horror how the oil prices were escalating to levels never seen before. This crisis made people realize the need of a different source of energy, an alternative to fossil fuels and they realized that technology needed a change too… At that time I just wanted to make a point about the very bad short term memory this society has. I wanted to predict how everything was going to be forget as soon as the prices of crude went down… and they went down, and we forgot.

An election day… what about the day after?

The famous play “Inherit the wind” byJerome LawrenceandRobert Edwin Lee,basedon Proverbs 11:29 He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind:and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart represent in a clear way the electoral process of the united states between Barack Obama and John McCain.

In the play, a progressive school professor who teaches evolution is ostracized by the town’s people for teaching science and he was brought to trial to make it legal. He hired a famous lawyer who defended cases like his before and the the town was represented for a lawyer recommended by the church…

Well, you have to watch the movie or read the play… The church and their lawyer prevent the other attorney from using any science book or the constitution nor even the Bible in defending his client… even like that they loose and at the end a frustrated and delirious church lawyer, unable to defend his position cries out the books of the Pentateuch… Genesis! Exodus! Leviticus! Numbers! Deuteronomy! On his knees, alone, deserted… even by his closest followers and supporters.

Another analogy would be Mortimer Dukecrying out in despair: Turn on the machines! open the market again! in frustration while his brother was taken on a gurney in the movie “Trading Places” … that is how a picture John McCain on the night of November 4 after the elections on his knees screaming; open the polls! Wait one more hour, wait!

Let’s get back to Proverbs 11:29 it reads:

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the windland the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart.

Now that the presidential campaign has come to a point where each party would do or say anything to gain one more vote, we have found ourselves immerse in the politics of hate. Nobody stops to think about what has been said. All of the sudden we found ourselves as being black, white, Hispanics… etc. The words of an ambitious politician has made us self conscious again of the more primitive differences in this society… differences we thought were left behind at least one generation ago. In the past, people really believed that humans with dark skin were inferior and behind in the evolution chain. Five decades ago a signs reading “No dogs or Mexicans allowed” (or “No Mexicans or dogs allowed”) were placed in some restaurants in Texas. The civil rights movement took care of all that… now Sara Palin came and in her ambition to be vice-president wiped all that off and put the seed of hate in all Americans heart, because when the politicians have not a defined agenda, the only weapon they have is nationalism, patriotism, Racisism, and they don’t hesitate in using all that because they want power.

Now the crowds are angry and their God is blood thirsty. Now we don’t remember the times when we used to call brother to a complete strange wearing a different tone of ski. All because just an ambitious politician put that seed in our brains, and when we left the rally we didn’t go home thinking “well, I guess I have to vote for this candidate” no, we went home thinking how to get revenge, destroy, expel all those who don’t agree or don’t look like us. They went home saying “The white house belongs to me… he has no right to take something that is mine… not a Niger!

I won’t mention any names because what has been said today will be repeated by the other political party tomorrow. But we need to learn how far it is ok to go when we address the crowd. We need to learn that our words can gain us the position we are looking for but we can do a lot of damage to a brittle society. It is not ok to put incendiary thoughts in people’s minds without taking responsibility for our words. Hitler tried that before and it did work… we know now that it is not right, that we all are humans and have equal rights.

It took many generations to heal the wounds of racial profiling. We know now that it takes several generations to heal the wounds that one person or group can inflict to society so let’s all be careful not to troubleth his own house… or we shall inherit the wind… This blog is just a message to all those republicans out there eager to win an election.