All posts by Alvaro Romero-Perez

The conumdrum of falling for someone who’s married

It is difficult to fall for someone that is in a relationship, either married or just living together. Is not uncommon. many times when you meet a person in those circumstances and the attraction sparks, the relationship of the other person is already broken. She (or he) can denied many time that fact and tell themselves that is not truth, and many times when she thinks about it her instinct makes her turn back at her partner and tell him how much she loves him and start making huge displays of love like posting in Facebook…just to realize short after that she is actually in love with someone else. this in nothing else than a mechanism to defend herself against feelings of anxiety and unacceptable impulses to maintain her own self afloat. many times she will stay in her relationship and live with regrets for long long time, and many other times she will brake up and start over and be happy for as long as it last.

But the point here is not the outcome of this love affair… but how to manage it… or how to survive it, From her part this is how it goes: she sees this guy and feels a very strong attraction right away, try to start a conversation and like always, in that conversation hints at him of her interest. That night goes home and analyze them both and realize that her new finding is way better. the first two weeks thing get just better ans better the flame grows and pretty much they fall in love with each other. Is after that  when all the difficulties start. she starts facing her own demons, she starts questioning whether she still loves her partner, she wonders if the other person really has genuine feelings for her or is just playing. She has no way to know but trust his word and understandably that is a very hard position to be in.

From his stand point of view: He is in love with her but doesn’t know ho to make her understand that, from the time of the first conversation he knew she opened a door to her heart but now is getting mix signals… she never have time for him. He wants to go out and do things, but she can’t get out of her house and he sees her doing all the things he wants to do with her… with him, They make plans but she never shows up, they talk over texting but other than that the conversation keeps fading away and his anxiety is growing. Is she with me or not? is a constant question and the thought of her sleeping with him  every day makes his heart bleed enraged.
The solution!
The solution to this conundrum seems to rest on the shoulders of the person that is in a relationship. She needs to make up her mind and then send clear signals. They need to have clear conversations about where are they going and what are their expectation in a clear way and talk the truth without hesitation,,, if she feels that her love for this person is getting corresponded then she has to plan an exit of her current relationship… otherwise better stop and go back to her husband or boyfriend before she damages her heart so bad that it would  affect her capacity to love again in the future,

Maybe she needs to now that she is the firt person to be in a situation like this one. THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON THAT THEY DON’T LOVE and very few of them eventually find the right person like she has… most of them stay in that relationship and live miserable lives for years and when finally gets out of that relationship the person she felt in love with is gone. Some other ones find a great person to love but they don’t have the courage to get out of their current one and they too live a miserable life or years,,, a few ones find true love and brake up their current relationship to  live a new adventure and be happy for long time…
If you are in one of this situations… ITS UP TO YOU TO STEER YOUR FUTURE, íf you found the right person don’t waste your chances and take your chances for happiness!… before is to late and he’s gone!… maybe you need to understand that life is like a game of basketball… if you drop the ball, another player is right there to pick it up and score!

The conumdrum of falling for someone who is married

It is difficult to fall for someone that is in a relationship, either married or just living together. Is not uncommon. many times when you meet a person in those circumstances and the attraction sparks, the relationship of the other person is already broken. She (or he) can denied many time that fact and tell themselves that is not truth, and many times when she thinks about it her instinct makes her turn back at her partner and tell him how much she loves him and start making huge displays of love like posting in Facebook…just to realize short after that she is actually in love with someone else. this in nothing else than a mechanism to defend herself against feelings of anxiety and unacceptable impulses to maintain her own self afloat. many times she will stay in her relationship and live with regrets for long long time, and many other times she will brake up and start over and be happy for as long as it last.

But the point here is not the outcome of this love affair… but how to manage it… or how to survive it, From her part this is how it goes: she sees this guy and feels a very strong attraction right away, try to start a conversation and like always, in that conversation hints at him of her interest. That night goes home and analyze them both and realize that her new finding is way better. the first two weeks thing get just better ans better the flame grows and pretty much they fall in love with each other. Is after that  when all the difficulties start. she starts facing her own demons, she starts questioning whether she still loves her partner, she wonders if the other person really has genuine feelings for her or is just playing. She has no way to know but trust his word and understandably that is a very hard position to be in.

From his stand point of view: He is in love with her but doesn’t know ho to make her understand that, from the time of the first conversation he knew she opened a door to her heart but now is getting mix signals… she never have time for him. He wants to go out and do things, but she can’t get out of her house and he sees her doing all the things he wants to do with her… with him, They make plans but she never shows up, they talk over texting but other than that the conversation keeps fading away and his anxiety is growing. Is she with me or not? is a constant question and the thought of her sleeping with him  every day makes his heart bleed enraged.

The solution!

The solution to this conundrum seems to rest on the shoulders of the person that is in a relationship. She needs to make up her mind and then send clear signals. They need to have clear conversations about where are they going and what are their expectation in a clear way and talk the truth without hesitation,,, if she feels that her love for this person is getting corresponded then she has to plan an exit of her current relationship… otherwise better stop and go back to her husband or boyfriend before she damages her heart so bad that it would  affect her capacity to love again in the future,

Maybe she needs to now that she is the firt person to be in a situation like this one. THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON THAT THEY DON’T LOVE and very few of them eventually find the right person like she has… most of them stay in that relationship and live miserable lives for years and when finally gets out of that relationship the person she felt in love with is gone. Some other ones find a great person to love but they don’t have the courage to get out of their current one and they too live a miserable life or years,,, a few ones find true love and brake up their current relationship to  live a new adventure and be happy for long time…

If you are in one of this situations… ITS UP TO YOU TO STEER YOUR FUTURE, íf you found the right person don’t waste your chances and take your chances for happiness!… before is to late and he’s gone!… maybe you need to understand that life is like a game of basketball… if you drop the ball, another player is right there to pick it up and score!

I Love You!… Does it mean anything?

I’ll start by saying NO! now let me elaborate.

Much had been said about the different kinds of love : Storge, Fileo, Eros and the ultimate AGAPE. So when someone tells you “Ï Love You” most likely it would be talking about one of them. The question is, which one would the person be meaning? Most likely none.

The word love has become of such simple use that any meaning it used to have lays now on its definition. so the meaning of love belongs to a dictionary and not to real life anymore. I woman tells me “I Love You”and to me doesn’t have more meaning that when the bartender asks me if I want another drink and I say “I would love it” You see where I’m going? we say I love you when dropping the kids at the school bus, and we say I love your shoes or I love your hair.And we never question if that mean anything because we know it doesn’t,

when a man and a woman start getting acquainted or flirting or going out, there is always the stigma of when to say “I love you” for the first time because it is tabu. You don’t want the other person to think that you have fallen in love and  in doing so you miss the opportunity to establish a connection. If someone tells you I love you, it doesn’t mean he or she is in love, it just means the it wants to see you again. it means that wants you to know that you both are flirting and that it’s been a lot of fun. it means that this time he or she one something more that to fuck each other but that maybe you can go to a movie too or walk by the zoo. it means that maybe you can stop seen each other at the bar and start doing fun things together… it means all that. Doesn’t mean the he or she cannot live without you or the she or he wants to marry you.

As you can see, the words “I Love You”mean very little. So if a woman tells me I love you to me is not different than if she says “Hi”or “Goodnight”, I don’t take it personal and i recognize that she is just opening the door for me so we can have fun together.

To me, the secret of knowing is somebody is telling me “I Love You”is LISTENING WHEN SHE IS NOT TALKING, This is an art that take time and experience to develop. It takes to read all the signs, the body language to fell the sentiment of the situation, So let’s say a girl sends me a link of her favorite son. The fact of sending the song or the lirics of the song don’t mean anything, maybe I really didn’t liked the song, but the fact that she thought of sharing something personal with me, the time she spent looking for that song tells me that she is felling love for me.
I wrote a poem for a girl and she text me “OMG! You almost make me fall in love with you” the part that hold any meaning was “omg!” the rest was meaningless.Love can’t be said it can only be expressed and the other person has to be able to feel it without any words in beetwen. So if you want the other person to know that you lover her or him, do things that express you love, don’t sayit. In the same token, if you want if the other person loves you, don ask because you my get an answer that you might not like, inted read all the signs, all the things that she or he won’t say but is expressing to you trough the thing she does.

 When I say that to find out if the other person is feeling love “listening when she or he is not talking” I think of the things the fox told the little prince… but specially this one:

“Goodbye,” said the fox. “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
“What is essential is invisible to the eye,” the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

Remember this words and you will learn how to hear love and to say it without any words… now go and say “I Love You”as many times as you please  without any wories.

I Love You!… Does it mean anything?

I’ll start by saying NO! now let me elaborate.

Much had been said about the different kinds of love : Storge, Fileo, Eros and the ultimate AGAPE. So when someone tells you “Ï Love You” most likely it would be talking about one of them. The question is, which one would the person be meaning? Most likely none.

The word love has become of such simple use that any meaning it used to have lays now on its definition. so the meaning of love belongs to a dictionary and not to real life anymore. I woman tells me “I Love You”and to me doesn’t have more meaning that when the bartender asks me if I want another drink and I say “I would love it” You see where I’m going? we say I love you when dropping the kids at the school bus, and we say I love your shoes or I love your hair.And we never question if that mean anything because we know it doesn’t,

when a man and a woman start getting acquainted or flirting or going out, there is always the stigma of when to say “I love you” for the first time because it is tabu. You don’t want the other person to think that you have fallen in love and  in doing so you miss the opportunity to establish a connection. If someone tells you I love you, it doesn’t mean he or she is in love, it just means the it wants to see you again. it means that wants you to know that you both are flirting and that it’s been a lot of fun. it means that this time he or she one something more that to fuck each other but that maybe you can go to a movie too or walk by the zoo. it means that maybe you can stop seen each other at the bar and start doing fun things together… it means all that. Doesn’t mean the he or she cannot live without you or the she or he wants to marry you.

As you can see, the words “I Love You”mean very little. So if a woman tells me I love you to me is not different than if she says “Hi”or “Goodnight”, I don’t take it personal and i recognize that she is just opening the door for me so we can have fun together.

To me, the secret of knowing is somebody is telling me “I Love You”is LISTENING WHEN SHE IS NOT TALKING, This is an art that take time and experience to develop. It takes to read all the signs, the body language to fell the sentiment of the situation, So let’s say a girl sends me a link of her favorite son. The fact of sending the song or the lirics of the song don’t mean anything, maybe I really didn’t liked the song, but the fact that she thought of sharing something personal with me, the time she spent looking for that song tells me that she is felling love for me.

I wrote a poem for a girl and she text me “OMG! You almost make me fall in love with you” the part that hold any meaning was “omg!” the rest was meaningless.Love can’t be said it can only be expressed and the other person has to be able to feel it without any words in beetwen. So if you want the other person to know that you lover her or him, do things that express you love, don’t sayit. In the same token, if you want if the other person loves you, don ask because you my get an answer that you might not like, inted read all the signs, all the things that she or he won’t say but is expressing to you trough the thing she does.

When I say that to find out if the other person is feeling love “listening when she or he is not talking” I think of the things the fox told the little prince… but specially this one:

“Goodbye,” said the fox. “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

“What is essential is invisible to the eye,” the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

Remember this words and you will learn how to hear love and to say it without any words… now go and say “I Love You”as many times as you please  without any wories.

Alexandria

I

Alexandria


When  looking at you

On foggy mornings or gloomy nights

At the distance from the sea

Your two mosque towers…

Call out to me.


When you come like the wind

Blowing gentle the sails of my ship,

When you talk and when you walk,

I am a sailor who calls you home.


When your aroma and your voices

a multitude of multitudes singing

Atop a minaret praying salat
Wrapped in the blanket of our own sharia
         …I wish I could walk your streets

                                                     …Alexandria.

                                                      II
                                                                                      September 26, 2013                                                 It is love… I know.


And she said, ‘why do you say you love me
if you don’t even know me?
And I said… I don’t know!
It just happened! I can’t explain…
Maybe is your eyes,
Maybe is your ass…
                      but I just don’t know.


I know, is not your conversation,
nor your fashion style…
But when you talk and when you walk.
when you look at me from afar,
when I look at you from behind
                              I know…. is love.


How did it happen, you ask.
I just don’t know, I say.
You keep asking the same question
over and over.
And I keep avoiding the answer,
but I am giving it to you now…
This is the answer… I just don’t know.


You say: How do you say you love me?
If you don’t even know me?
And I say… I don’t know.
                     I can’t explain it,
                            It just happened.
                               Maybe is your eyes…
                                  or maybe is your ass.


But I know is not your conversation.
I know is not your fashion style.
I know. When you talk and when you walk.
When you look at me from afar,
when I look at you from behind…
                                  I know is love!


If we are going to rationalize love.
If we are going to measure it by words.
Then… what’s the point?
It’s not going to lead us anywhere.
And I’m not going to feel love no more.


For me, all what counts it’s what I feel.
I don’t want it in words.
I don’t want to say: It’s because your are smart…
                                                     Why lie?
I don’t want to say, ‘It’s because you’re funny!
                                      maybe you are not!
I don’t want to say, Its because we are a match…
                                                we don’t match.


What I want to say, is what I said.
All I want to say is that it may be your eyes…
but most likely is your ass!
All I want to say is what I feel,
all I want to say is what I see.
And I know what I see…
When I see you walking away from me!


I’t not your conversation what I like.
It’s not that you are successful…
…So, no. Is not your conversation.
                                  It might be your eyes…
But for sure is your ass…

Yesterday it was waving at me goodbye
If this is goodbye…
So this is goodbye!


Alexandria

                                                  I

                                           Alexandria

  When  looking at you
                        On foggy mornings or gloomy nights
                             At the distance from the sea
                                Your two mosque towers…
                                    Call out to me.

               When you come like the wind
                     Blowing gentle the sails of my ship,
                         When you talk and when you walk,
                             I am a sailor who calls you home.
               When your aroma and your voices
               a multitude of multitudes singing
               Atop a minaret praying salat
               Wrapped in the blanket of our own sharia
                                         …I wish I could walk your streets
                                                                                    … Alexandria.

                                                      II
                                                                                      October 12, 2013                                It is love… I know.

And she said, ‘why do you say you love me
if you don’t even know me?
And I said… I don’t know!
It just happened! I can’t explain…
Maybe is your eyes,
Maybe is your ass…
                       but I just don’t know.
I know, is not your conversation,
nor your fashion style…
But when you talk and when you walk.
when you look at me from afar,
when I look at you from behind
                               I know…. is love.
How did it happen, you ask.
I just don’t know, I say.
You keep asking the same question
over and over.
And I keep avoiding the answer,
but I am giving it to you now…
This is the answer… I just don’t know.
You say: How do you say you love me?
If you don’t even know me?
And I say… I don’t know.
                      I can’t explain it,
                             It just happened.
                                Maybe is your eyes…
                                   or maybe is your ass.
But I know is not your conversation.
I know is not your fashion style.
I know. When you talk and when you walk.
When you look at me from afar,
when I look at you from behind…
                                   I know is love!
If we are going to rationalize love.
If we are going to measure it by words.
Then… what’s the point?
It’s not going to lead us anywhere.
And I’m not going to feel love no more.
For me, all what counts it’s what I feel.
I don’t want it in words.
I don’t want to say: It’s because your are smart…
                                                      Why lie?
I don’t want to say, ‘It’s because you’re funny!
                                       maybe you are not!
I don’t want to say, Its because we are a match…
                                                 we don’t match.
What I want to say, is what I said.
All I want to say is that it may be your eyes…
but most likely is your ass!
All I want to say is what I feel,
all I want to say is what I see.
And I know what I see…
When I see you walking away from me!
I’t not your conversation what I like.
It’s not that you are successful…
                             You are not!
                 You have a shitty job.
                   You never read a book.
                       You only watch tv.
                          You want to be a nigger…
                              and all I see is a wigger.
…So, no. Is not your conversation.
                                   It might be your eyes…
                                                  But for sure is your ass.

…Like sunset follows dawn
                            Everything dies
All the ones that have so…
                            eventually will die.

Alexandria

Alexandria

When  looking at you
On foggy mornings or gloomy nights
At the distance from the sea
Your two mosque towers…
Call out to me.

When you come like the wind
Blowing gentle the sails of my ship,
When you talk and when you walk,
I am a sailor who calls you home.

When your aroma and your voices
a multitude of multitudes singing
Atop a minaret praying salat
Wrapped in the blanket of our own sharia
…I wish I could walk your streets
…Alexandria

First date… Don’t put your foot in your mouth!

One of the most difficult tings about a first is establishing a conversation that sparks the interest for both parties. Most of the time when you go in a first date your instinct tells you to talk about something that “you think is going to make you look interesting”, but most of the time it won’t… chances are it’ll make you look. cocky  annoying, boring or stupid. Occasionally the other person can fake interest but don’t get fooled by her attention to whatever you are talking about, she will be locking at you but thinking how to get the hell out.

I’ll say that the best way to go is talking about something that it may be interesting for both of you. For instance you can make a comment about the place or venue where you decided to meet,  the food,  or music. A comment like that can spark an answer and from there you just have to pull the conversation. Eventuality you will say something about your personal life because that is something that is inevitable. Si it is alright to to say something about you’re own persona because after all you are there to get to know each other. So, if you say “there is a person at work that… etc” chances are she or he is going to ask “what do you do? “. It is correct to say what the company you work for does or what kind of professional work you do,  but try not to get to deep into that, avoid making your conversation a job interview. You can say ” I am a lawyer or I work for GM or I am in construction and that’s it. Don’t elaborate, keep it short and simple, give her or him a taste of  that part of your but live the rest for a better occasion. Eventually, over time and contact with each other you are going to know those details.
There is a big reward in getting out of your comfort zone. It is advisable that both get out of the comfort zone! If you do that you’ll be able to show the real you,  without pretensions and perceive the other person the same way. It is natural to humans to pretend something they are not or try to make look themselves bigger than they really are. So,  a neutral place will give honesty to your date,  and honesty is a good place to start.
We all have skeletons in the closet, so, live them there. don’t bring to conversation anything you don feel comfortable elaborating about. Keeping things for yourself doesn’t make you a liar, eventually everything will come out but at the appropriate time. Now, kissing or having sex on first date is a matter of perception, but in suggesting it eighty percent of the time you will end up with your foot inside of your mouth, and ninety percent of the time there is not cumming out of that situation, Chances are it won be a second date.

             So, I followed all those rules when I went out on a date couple weeks ago.  I met a person I really like and found interesting and attractive. We went out for dinner and basically it was an introductory conversation since neither one of us knew anything of the other. Like in most first dates you can cover only so much of the field but that’s is fine since it leaves you hungry for more.
After coming back home I sent her a brief text to establish the ground for a second date. Next day she called me… great conversation. Next day she didn’t call me but we exchange couple text messages… all good. Next day a decided to call her. She didn’t answer but sent me a text saying that it was in a class at school and she call me right after her class on her way home.

It was then that it clicked in my head that she works, goes to school and has a family while me on the other hand work a full time work but other than that I am a free man. Don’t take me wrong, I do a lot of things like computer programming, oil painting and writing and blogging, but I decide how organize my time. She on the other hand has to stick to a schedule that it is decided by others.
So, when she call back, after a long conversation before saying goodnight I say “Listen! I understand you are very busy and I don’t want to call you when you have things to do… would it be better if you call me when you have time?” She said “yes”… I knew, the moment I put the phone down that I have put my foot in my mouth. I realized that what I wanted to say came out completely wrong and there was a need o a major fixing.
Next day she didn’t call and when I sent her a text her reply was something like “ok”. The they after I text her asking her if she could call me and her answer was “No, is ok” then I knew it was over. That somehow I managed to kill my chance  if any. Needless to say that she didn’t call back.

   Should she had call me back I would have said:
    last night when we talked I said something that came out the wrong way. I didn’t meant to say ‘if you don’t have time for dating it’ll be another time’. What I meant to say was that I understand you don’t have much time to spare and I can work around those corners as long as you really give the time you have available’ I would have say “I am really interested in getting to know you but I don’t want to be a nuisance by getting into you life like that’ That all I wanted to do was sound supportive of whatever she was doing and that I was very glad we met… But I didn’t have the chance since she never call.

So, be very careful. weigh every word you say, every gesture… because once you put your foot in your mouth there is not pulling it out.

l’ll finish with a poem by a Mexican author who I don’t remember:

                       Dicen que el amor
                          Tiene altas y bajas
                           Ayer te vi pasar con una alta….
                                                                  Ya entendi

First date… Don’t put your foot in your mouth!

One of the most difficult tings about a first is establishing a conversation that sparks the interest for both parties. Most of the time when you go in a first date your instinct tells you to talk about something that “you think is going to make you look interesting”, but most of the time it won’t… chances are it’ll make you look. cocky  annoying, boring or stupid. Occasionally the other person can fake interest but don’t get fooled by her attention to whatever you are talking about, she will be locking at you but thinking how to get the hell out.

I’ll say that the best way to go is talking about something that it may be interesting for both of you. For instance you can make a comment about the place or venue where you decided to meet,  the food,  or music. A comment like that can spark an answer and from there you just have to pull the conversation. Eventuality you will say something about your personal life because that is something that is inevitable. Si it is alright to to say something about you’re own persona because after all you are there to get to know each other. So, if you say “there is a person at work that… etc” chances are she or he is going to ask “what do you do? “. It is correct to say what the company you work for does or what kind of professional work you do,  but try not to get to deep into that, avoid making your conversation a job interview. You can say ” I am a lawyer or I work for GM or I am in construction and that’s it. Don’t elaborate, keep it short and simple, give her or him a taste of  that part of your but live the rest for a better occasion. Eventually, over time and contact with each other you are going to know those details.

There is a big reward in getting out of your comfort zone. It is advisable that both get out of the comfort zone! If you do that you’ll be able to show the real you,  without pretensions and perceive the other person the same way. It is natural to humans to pretend something they are not or try to make look themselves bigger than they really are. So,  a neutral place will give honesty to your date,  and honesty is a good place to start.

We all have skeletons in the closet, so, live them there. don’t bring to conversation anything you don feel comfortable elaborating about. Keeping things for yourself doesn’t make you a liar, eventually everything will come out but at the appropriate time. Now, kissing or having sex on first date is a matter of perception, but in suggesting it eighty percent of the time you will end up with your foot inside of your mouth, and ninety percent of the time there is not cumming out of that situation, Chances are it won be a second date.

So, I followed all those rules when I went out on a date couple weeks ago.  I met a person I really like and found interesting and attractive. We went out for dinner and basically it was an introductory conversation since neither one of us knew anything of the other. Like in most first dates you can cover only so much of the field but that’s is fine since it leaves you hungry for more.

After coming back home I sent her a brief text to establish the ground for a second date. Next day she called me… great conversation. Next day she didn’t call me but we exchange couple text messages… all good. Next day a decided to call her. She didn’t answer but sent me a text saying that it was in a class at school and she call me right after her class on her way home.

It was then that it clicked in my head that she works, goes to school and has a family while me on the other hand work a full time work but other than that I am a free man. Don’t take me wrong, I do a lot of things like computer programming, oil painting and writing and blogging, but I decide how organize my time. She on the other hand has to stick to a schedule that it is decided by others.

So, when she call back, after a long conversation before saying goodnight I say “Listen! I understand you are very busy and I don’t want to call you when you have things to do… would it be better if you call me when you have time?” She said “yes”… I knew, the moment I put the phone down that I have put my foot in my mouth. I realized that what I wanted to say came out completely wrong and there was a need o a major fixing.

Next day she didn’t call and when I sent her a text her reply was something like “ok”. The they after I text her asking her if she could call me and her answer was “No, is ok” then I knew it was over. That somehow I managed to kill my chance  if any. Needless to say that she didn’t call back.

Should she had call me back I would have said:

last night when we talked I said something that came out the wrong way. I didn’t meant to say ‘if you don’t have time for dating it’ll be another time’. What I meant to say was that I understand you don’t have much time to spare and I can work around those corners as long as you really give the time you have available’ I would have say “I am really interested in getting to know you but I don’t want to be a nuisance by getting into you life like that’ That all I wanted to do was sound supportive of whatever she was doing and that I was very glad we met… But I didn’t have the chance since she never call.

So, be very careful. weigh every word you say, every gesture… because once you put your foot in your mouth there is not pulling it out.

l’ll finish with a poem by a Mexican author who I don’t remember:

Dicen que el amor

Tiene altas y bajas

Ayer te vi pasar con una alta….

Ya entendi

 

Why I can’t find anyone?

To Ryan
“One only understands the things that one tames,” said the fox. “Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship . . .”

… “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

                                 The Little Prince

                                               Antoine de Saint Exupéry







One of the big problems about love is that you never seem to find it. There is a scene in the movie “Fatal Attraction” were Alex Forrest (Glen Close) Tells Dan Gallagher (Michael Douglas) “Why is that every interesting man is already married”. That seems to be the problem that every single person faces when searching for love… they find the ideal person just to find out that she or he has a boyfriend or girlfriend, and they wonder ‘why is she or he with that looser’. In reality it doesn’t have to be a loser, but most of the time that’s how the other person perceives it.

I think of my friend Ryan. He needs to understand that “All is fair in war and love”, that being a good friend very rarely brings a relationship other than friendship. That in order to catch a fish you have to throw the lure first… girls they don’t like good guys, but interesting ones… the only use they have for good guys is as friends. 


So, the first step is to make your persona more interesting.  Some people play sports but if sports is not your thing then you have to become a connoisseur of something. The second place in the popularity list is music, so playing an instrument is going to gain you some cookie points. No! Not the french horn or the timbales, maybe the guitar or the piano or even the sax. Next in the list would be to play the “Intellectual”, a  the guy that reads and writes… any of those is ok, what is not ok is to look weak, to look like the guy that all the girls want to be friends with. Do not be their confident, they are going to use your shoulder to cry over other guys and since they are going to be very busy crying on your shoulder they’ll never have the chance to look at you.



  The most common problem one faces when trying to approach someone we like is our inability to talk. We expect the other person to notice our interest and respond to our shy advances… but here is where we have a problem. We cannot expect the other person to respond to our advances because she (or he) are in the understanding that we are just friends, She has a boyfriend and maybe she even loves him. and she doesn’t know what you want, or what are your intentions.

So, the road to succeed is very simple: make sure she knows what your intentions are., meaning that you like her and want to date her. Make sure you are the kind of person she would put her eyes on… If she likes the football players but all you play is the piano… is not going to happen. don’t be her confident because first she is going to ask you if she should dump her boyfriend, and then if she should date your best friend, ignoring completely the fact that you are interested in her.


Many woman crave attention and will push you to say something you are not ready to say… Don’t say “I Love You” until the relationship is mature, before that it’s just going to ruin everything you have built… even if it is truth that you love her.

Finally, be ready to loose the fight. If she really only sees you as a friend, I am sure that the friendship is going to die when she realize that you want something more than to be friends… She won’t look at you the same way anymore… Ever!. You are going to pretend to be friends for a while, but you should know that is over. If it comes to that, move on and find somebody else… she would be gone anyway..

The good news: I think you are the kind of guy she really wants and she struggles… you just have to show her the way and let things happen… just remeber that there is only one chance, don’t waste it!