Alvaro Romero... The agony of living

A journey trough life


The conundrum of falling for someone who is married

It is difficult to fall for someone that is in a relationship, either married or just living together. Is not uncommon. many times when you meet a person in those circumstances and the attraction sparks, the relationship of the other person is already broken. She (or he) can denied many time that fact and tell themselves that is not truth, and many times when she thinks about it her instinct makes her turn back at her partner and tell him how much she loves him and start making huge displays of love like posting in Facebook...just to realize short after that she is actually in love with someone else. this in nothing else than a mechanism to defend herself against feelings of anxiety and unacceptable impulses to maintain her own self afloat. many times she will stay in her relationship and live with regrets for long long time, and many other times she will brake up and start over and be happy for as long as it last.


But the point here is not the outcome of this love affair... but how to manage it... or how to survive it, From her part this is how it goes: she sees this guy and feels a very strong attraction right away, try to start a conversation and like always, in that conversation hints at him of her interest. That night goes home and analyze them both and realize that her new finding is way better. the first two weeks thing get just better ans better the flame grows and pretty much they fall in love with each other. Is after that  when all the difficulties start. she starts facing her own demons, she starts questioning whether she still loves her partner, she wonders if the other person really has genuine feelings for her or is just playing. She has no way to know but trust his word and understandably that is a very hard position to be in.


From his stand point of view: He is in love with her but doesn't know ho to make her understand that, from the time of the first conversation he knew she opened a door to her heart but now is getting mix signals... she never have time for him. He wants to go out and do things, but she can't get out of her house and he sees her doing all the things he wants to do with her... with him, They make plans but she never shows up, they talk over texting but other than that the conversation keeps fading away and his anxiety is growing. Is she with me or not? is a constant question and the thought of her sleeping with him  every day makes his heart bleed enraged.

The solution!

The solution to this conundrum seems to rest on the shoulders of the person that is in a relationship. She needs to make up her mind and then send clear signals. They need to have clear conversations about where are they going and what are their expectation in a clear way and talk the truth without hesitation,,, if she feels that her love for this person is getting corresponded then she has to plan an exit of her current relationship... otherwise better stop and go back to her husband or boyfriend before she damages her heart so bad that it would  affect her capacity to love again in the future,


Maybe she needs to now that she is the first person to be in a situation like this one. THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON THAT THEY DON'T LOVE and very few of them eventually find the right person like she has... most of them stay in that relationship and live miserable lives for years and when finally gets out of that relationship the person she felt in love with is gone. Some other ones find a great person to love but they don't have the courage to get out of their current one and they too live a miserable life or years,,, a few ones find true love and brake up their current relationship to  live a new adventure and be happy for long time...

If you are in one of this situations... ITS UP TO YOU TO STEER YOUR FUTURE, If you found the right person don't waste your chances and take your chances for happiness!... before is to late and he's gone!... maybe you need to understand that life is like a game of basketball... if you drop the ball, another player is right there to pick it up and score!

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